Best Marriage Advice Ever Received
“The best marriage advice I received was from my grandmother: Marriage is not always 50/50. Some days you will wake up and may have to give 90% and your spouse will give 10%. Other days you may wake up and give 25% and your husband will have to put in the 75%. I never thought of this before but it is so true.”
“After a disillusioned first couple of years of marriage, my husband and I went to a therapist who told us: Marriage should not be so much about looking at each other but looking in the same direction together. I believe the message from this is to remember the positive things that brought you together and then to concentrate on positive goals to achieve as a couple. My observation is that all the cute, unique things that made your spouse wonderful in the beginning are going to be the things that grate on your nerves later. Try to focus on the positive — if you look for negative qualities in someone you are sure to find them!
“When in trouble with your husband or spouse, never ever talk about these problems with your friends, mother or parents … if you want a real help on this, go to your spouse or husband mother or father or his or her best friend or relatives and tell them about your situation. This advice has given them very fast and some times unexpected and very good solutions, and at the same time they get to understand many of their spouses vision of the trouble, and that has in many instances changed their perspective and perception of the problem.”
“Churchill said to never have breakfast together.”
“Communicate, respect for self and each other, trust, faith, laugh together not at each other, don’t go to bed angry or hurt, remember your vows, don’t ask what you are not ready and willing to accept and let go and remember that often time we don’t know we’re making a mistake unless we are told so speak up without being rude and hurtful.”
“Get on your knees together every night and say the Lord’s prayer. Even if you don’t go to sleep and may have something else to do. This assures that most nights you will spend some time together before you go to sleep. If you are apart, do it over the phone.”
“From the time we were little kids, my dad told us “Never date anyone you wouldn’t marry” …. when we were kids this made zero sense, but as I got older, it became clear that a lot of people marry people they don’t much like/fit with well, for a variety of reasons. She ends up pregnant, it is just “time” to marry. The selection process of who to marry is complex, but makes a huge difference.
We also always advise newly marrieds to NOT sit and complain about anything in their marriage, large or small, in little same sex (or not) groups at work or at play. All it does is magnify any irritants, and if you really have a problem with your spouse, talking to them about it is much more likely to solve the problem than sitting and bitching with others.”
Learn how to agree to disagree. No two people agree on everything, and that’s okay, but it’s important to be okay with each other’s differences.
Take in every possible moment and enjoy it and if you can, escape for 5 minutes together to gather your thoughts and take it all in!!! It’s such a whirlwind!
Tips for a Stress Free Wedding Morning
As I have had the privilege to be part of so many wedding mornings, I thought it may be useful to write my article this month on how to have a stress free morning, as I don’t think enough emphasis is put on the start to your wedding day.
- Start by unwinding the night before. I had a massage the night before I got married, and suddenly I felt my shoulders leave my ears and return to where they should be; it was bliss as the Friday was total overload. Maybe you could have a little pamper session with the girls; toe painting, massage each other’s hands, whatever you can do to help each other unwind.
- Like many brides you may not have a perfect night’s sleep the night before your wedding, but don’t worry, adrenalin is your best friend on your wedding day. It will sweep you through and hold you up, and there is almost no other time this will happen so enjoy it.
- Make sure you do not leave any arrangements to your wedding day. These should all be done the day before at the latest so you can completely de-stress on the day, knowing everything is done.
- Breakfast is a must, even if you feel too nervous to eat, just manage to get something in to you; it’s a long day and you don’t want to faint at a key moment. It can be something you wouldn’t normally eat for breakfast… I had chocolate whilst standing in my dress as I could hear my tummy rumbling, and that would not have been good in front of all the guests!
- If you are getting ready at a hotel, take your ipad. If you have any time at all beforehand you could record some great music that will relax you or get you going. You will not only be relaxed and less nervous, but you will also have a little mix that will always remind you of your wedding morning.
- Surround yourself with the right people! Don’t overlook this advice. I have seen many well meaning guests, mums, friends etc on the morning of a wedding, but sometimes they can shift their anxieties on to you, and you don’t need this. Visitors can be ok but they should not linger. You should also really have a minimum number of girlies with you, as lots of girls together can be mass hysteria and that should maybe be saved for the end of the morning when you are in your dress admiring yourself. Surround yourself with your chosen special friends/mum and get them to keep the others at bay or make it clear the day before. You will be seeing everyone at the wedding so you can save yourself until then.
- As a hair and make-up artist I always organise a timetable for the bridal party, as this just ensures that everyone can be in their pamper seats when needed and not still eating breakfast, or worse, washing hair! It will ultimately affect you and how fashionably late you want or don’t want to be.
- Change of heart about your style? Try and inform your stylist that you are having second thoughts about your look before the wedding morning. It will be stressful for both of you if she can’t get the look you wanted on your wedding morning. This can be avoided by having a last minute trial if you are having doubts. I once travelled all the way to Italy for a wedding and the bride had changed her mind about her style. Thankfully it was not a disaster, but I had just packed what I needed for the original style so it could easily have been!
- Have your dress hanging up out of its cover and all your shoes and accessories laid out, with the labels cut off all your gleaming new things. This will help you and the photographer when they come to take those all important detailed shots.
- Breathe, and take it all in as it flies by. If all else fails I will be on hand to keep you calm, make you laugh, and offer you some Bach Rescue Remedy… bubbles are also good, but not too many, you want to remember your day.
THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW IN ADVANCE AS A BRIDE THAT NO ONE WILL TELL YOU
Wedding dresses are very, very hot. I don’t mean hot in a sexy way, I mean temperature. Unless you get a sheath dress that is very simple, and you aren’t wearing any special undergarments like spanx or a corset, you will be much warmer than you normally are. Stunning wedding dresses can often credit their enchanting appearance to layers of crinoline, taffeta, silk, beading, embroidery, lace, and swarovski-crystals. Unfortunately, all this finery is also the perfect mix to create a very well insulated dress that retains all of your body heat. When you go and try on your dress at the dress shop, you may notice at first that the store is set at the temperature of an icebox. This is to make those trying on the dresses more comfortable. Unless you choose to get a short dress, this unexpected rise in temperature is basically unavoidable. Unfortunately, there are many consequences of this. Other than just feeling warm, it can lead to excessive sweating between your legs which can lead to painful chaffing. This is not the way you are going to want to start your honeymoon! So, take the advice the wonderful women at Katherine’s Bridal Boutique gave me. Get a small thing of baby powder, and cover your inner thighs with a light coating of it. What they didn’t tell me was the fairly obvious instruction of doing this BEFORE you put on your dress. Unfortunately for me, the day of my wedding, I was completely laced up into my dress, hair done, etc, and then it hit me, OH NO! WE FORGOT THE BABY POWDER! It felt like a scene out of my Big Fat Greek Wedding. At this point, we realised there was no way we had time to take off the whole dress, and do that, so instead, my wonderful bridesmaid who was a medical doctor and had just completed her obstetrics rotation had the bright idea of me laying on my back and legs up as if they were in the stirrups and she put her head up the layers and layers of fabric and squirted many poofs of baby powder. Of course at that very moment, the best man brought up the flower girl to have her hair done, and he let out a huge “What on EARTH is going on here!” and got out his camera to try to take a photo. In what I hope was my only bridezilla moment of the day, I let out a scream,”GET OUT! you take that photo, you die!” So long story short, do use a poof or two of baby powder between your thighs to avoid chaffing, and make sure to do so BEFORE you put on your wedding dress. Antiperspirant, Body Glide for Her, and Monistat Anti-Chaffing gel work even better than baby powder. You might also consider having a small fan placed under your table in front of where you will be sitting. If the linens are long, no one will be able to see it. I have had more than one bride express to me that they’d wish they’d had a fan under the table.
Stay hydrated. This goes hand in hand with the wedding dresses are hot point. It’s a tricky situation. I have seen many brides try to not drink many fluids that day to avoid having to use the restroom, to try and fit in their dresses better, or just plain have been so busy that they forgot to drink some water. Unfortunately, the lack of drinking fluids in combination with the very hot dresses, can quickly lead to finding yourself extremely dehydrated. Along with all the activity of the day, this can lead brides to pass out. So in the end, ask yourself, which is more embarrassing, having to use the rest rooms a few times with your wonderful bridesmaids assisting you, or passing out at your own wedding. I’m guessing the latter. To avoid this problem try to remember to drink a fair amount of water while you are getting ready in the morning and during the reception. Be sure to use the restroom right before you put on your dress. Ask your servers to keep your glass full of water if you have servers, and if not ask members of your bridal party to bring you water when they can.
Consult your photographer when creating your schedule for the day. To get all the shots you want, enough time needs to be allotted for set up. Certain shots will only work at certain times of the day. This is all helpful information your photographer can provide you if you talk to them in advance.
Videotape your dress being bustled at the store on your phone: bustles are often VERY complicated. Have your maid of honor or mom go with you to the store to see how to bustle your dress and video tape how to do it on your phone. Have this person practice getting you into the dress as well at the store. Here are two videos to help you get into your wedding dress properly as well as a time saving tip on how to close all those crazy loops over the buttons on the back of your dress.
Gary Trotman – (DofM)
On behalf of Steelasophical
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